With this Death
by joongie
Summary: His love was taken from him, the one thing that made him happy, now he's taking something else. SLASH PoynterJudd


**Disclaimer: I do not own McFly. THIS IS SLASH PEOPLE, SLASH! It is also sad supposedly. **

**A/N: Wrote this so I could post something on McFly Slash, think I should:**

**With this Death**

**I remember the day when the one thing that made me happy was stolen from me because a stupid mistake, oh that stupid mistake. I remember that morning clearly, the way his blue eyes lit up when I told him where we were going, the way the sky was the perfect blue that you only get every once in a while, and the way he looked at me with those same stunning eyes like I was something he'd never lose. We had woken up early that morning since I was in his flat instead of my own and we knew it would make our one band mate mad to find me there even though it was our other band mate's birthday. I recall running down the stairs after one chaste kiss and out the door into the cold morning air that hit my skin like ice. After showering and cleaning myself up I ran back to his flat where he was waiting with our other two best friend's and band mates, laughing and joking about something he had done the day before. I remember running my hands up and down his sides as we stood there, nibbling softly on his earlobe which always gave him chills down his spine and how we all ran to the car so we could finish work early. We always had to work then, it didn't matter if it was someone's birthday or not, the CD was what was important. Whenever I was playing I'd love to watch him as much as possible and notice the little things like how he licked his lips when he concentrated or how he never looked up when he played usually. He never realized it, but those are some of the things that made me fall deeply in love with him. I loved the way he acted like a ten year old and always had his dirty blonde hair in a wild style or how when it came time to be serious he was quieter than a mouse. I loved the way he interacted with people and always left an imprint where ever he went…but most of all I think I just loved him, all of him. Ever since we first met back in the beginning there was never a time when I didn't think of him or become clumsy around him. I'd always do something wrong and then think he'd never like me until one day he cornered me after a concert and poured out his heart to me. Our band mates, who are both proudly straight, had been supportive of us even though they didn't think much of a gay lifestyle and we were happy. **

**Every night I'd lie in his arms or he would lay in mine and we would just be together, content and in love. We'd go on romantic dates to the park or out to dinner and everyone would just think we were two friends having a fun time, but we knew different. For a while people didn't notice the looks we gave each other or the touches we strategically placed until it became more and more apparent that there was something going on. This day was no different. The media, of course, had been waiting outside to take pictures of us in the late afternoon after recording songs for one of our albums and luckily we were able to avoid a mess. I remember how happy he was when we drove off, making faces at the reporters and journalists who wouldn't get that story they had been wanting. The dinner we had that night in celebration of our best friend's birthday, which I haven't been able to eat or be near since, went terrific. The whole time he was sitting next to me glowing like he had just won the jackpot when really all he was doing was holding my hand. He always appreciated everything and told me once it was because when he was younger he didn't and if something ever happened to him he wanted to be thankful for what he had gotten. I just told him he was silly and that it would be decades before anything happened to either one of us, oh how wrong I was. That night while driving back from dinner a drunk driver hit our car in the intersection only two minutes from home, directly on his side. He was killed on impact and our best friend who had been having the birthday was seriously injured while our other best friend who was in the passenger seat and I were barely scratched. The last thing he had ever said to me was those three little words, like he knew he was going to die. I watched the one thing that made me happy, the one man I loved; die in front of my eyes on what was supposed to be a joyous occasion. I remember crying that night, crying my heart out because I knew you were never coming back to sleep next to me or hold me when I was stressed. I knew you'd never be back to dance around the flat when you had sugar or tell a joke when all of us were down. I knew that the greatest thing in my life was stolen violently right in front of me. Days after it was all over the news, headlines and news reports reading MCFLY MEMBER KILLED IN CAR CRASH. I couldn't take seeing those headlines and pictures of what used to be our friend's Electric Blue Mini Cooper. I kept myself inside my flat, not going out to eat with my friends or letting people in to see me…it was just too much to handle. I only let myself directly after the accident to protest in court and put the man who killed him in jail. Even my best friends, one of who had almost been killed also, weren't allowed into the little world I created for myself. For the last year this is all my life has been, sarrow and misery. The band of course ended after he died, there was no way we would replace him or his spirit with some random guy. I didn't do much after that and I kept to myself a lot. If I ever went out people would whisper about how I was that drummer in that old band McFly or how I was the McFly member who died's boyfriend. **

**Guess what today is? The anniversary of his death…of Dougie Lee Poynter's death, my love and my boyfriend. Did you know I was going to ask him to marry me the day after the accident happened? Yep, it was suppose to be our three year anniversary and I was going to ask the light of my life to marry me. I'm guessing by the time you find this letter the pills will have taken control of my body and killed me. Now I'll be in the headlines, HARRY JUDD OF MCFLY DIED FROM OVERDOSE! EX-MCFLY MEMBER KILLS HIMSELF! What a way to go right? Well it was this or lethal injection and you just can't come by that these days. First I have some things to take care of with the people who will find me later today. To Thomas Fletcher I leave all my music and drum kits and anything else he wants because today was the day I was supposed to celebrate his birthday with him. You were always the strongest one in the band, you always knew what to do and always led us all. I'm sorry Tom that I couldn't make it through the day to see you and I'm sorry that I will never get to see you walk down the aisle with Giovanna. To Daniel Jones I leave my flat and all of Dougie's basses because he was also one of my best friends and one of Dougie's most trusted friends. You were always the one to make me smile with your dumb comments and goofy grin, thank you for the laughter Dan. Again I'm sorry that I couldn't see you one last time Danny, but this had to be done! To all my other friends I leave my love and thanks of being here for me over the years, I apologize for the entire trauma this will bring you. To my parents and my sister, I love you all and I want you to move on from this okay? Even though I'm gone I will always be with you and looking down on you from heaven, you guys are amazing. In the end I did this all for Dougie Poynter just so we could be together once again and I could see his bright glowing eyes and beautiful white smile. **

**With all my love forever, **

**Harry Mark Christopher Judd. **


End file.
